Doing things for your own good

Moving abroad has taught me millions of things already, and I’ve been here for less than a month. My sister wrote me a little note inside a card just before I set off, which at the time seemed pretty cheesy, saying I would learn a lot about myself. But she was right, I (forever) hate to admit.

All the tiny things that you only notice about yourself once you’ve left behind any familiarity and comfort start to show, and you start thinking to yourself ‘oh, I didn’t think I’d have the guts to do that’ or ‘wow, I didn’t know I was so crap at that’.

There are also a million introductions of yourself to make, and you soon become aware of how you come across when first meeting people. Whether it’s saying hello awkwardly, or being aware of how many questions you are asking, and are you being considerate enough? Is the conversation boring?

But I’ve realised that I’ve been thinking thoughts like this a bit too much, not just while I’ve been in Italy but forever. There are so many aspects of my life that I over-analyse (what I wear, what music I like, parts of my personality) to the point where, in my head, I cannot win because if I do one thing it might not please someone but if I do another it might not please someone else. It’s odd because as soon as I get my attitude on (oh yeah) and think ‘well who am I really trying to please?’ I then think about that too much and feel like I just sound arrogant and selfish. Literally can’t win.

However, without trying to sounding rude, arrogant or selfish, this year is my chance to do whatever I want. And I don’t mean that in a ‘I’m gonna go out and just go wild and make the most of my year by doing anything and everything!’ type way, because if you are reading this and you know me, you will know that that is just not me. In fact you’ll probably be sat laughing at the image of me being ‘wild’. Ha. But there are a certain few things I do want to do with my year.

Here are some:

1.       Get ok/good at jazz singing. That’s genuinely the main reason why I’m here (thanks Newcastle Uni) so I’d feel bad to put it anywhere other than first.

2.       Learn some Italian. Emphasis on ‘some’.

3.       Eat loads of pizza. I could say that this is complete already but I know there is oh so much more to be had.

4.       Have some nice times with some nice people.

5.       Have people to come visit (Tom, Mum, Dad, Sarah, Emily, Grace, Monica, Rona, all Newcastle flatmates, I’m looking at you)

6.       Experience the chilled way of Italian life. Currently perfecting this one having done the grand total of nothing for the past couple of days.

7.       See more of Italy. Rome, Pisa, Venice, Bologna maybe, and some places down south would be nice.

The point of this post is to remind myself that I can do what makes me happy, and that doesn’t always mean I’m being too selfish. The same goes for you if you’re reading this! You have to think about why you are doing something; if it has more benefit for someone else than it does for you (unless you’re doing a good deed or being a really good friend or something) then should you really be doing it?

Ooh I feel all sassy now, hope you do too.

And here is a picture I took of the sunset in Perugia. Just because.