The Good, Bad & Ugly: Long Distance Relationships

I wrote a post on this subject when I first arrived in Italy last October, but it didn’t seem appropriate to post after only actually being away from my boyfriend for a couple of weeks.

However, I think we’re just about getting the gist of it, and can now justifiably categorise ourselves as being in a ‘long distance relationship’.

For me, the definition is:

If the distance is fly-able, it’s long distance.

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Now, I’m going to be honest here and also make a bit of an understatement – it is pretty crap.

(But I am naturally going to think that at the moment; my boyfriend came to visit this week and left yesterday.)

However, as hard as it is (and as weird as I feel writing this when all I want to do is fly home to him and have one extra hug and just hibernate forever and think why on earth did I move abroad and also I might have a bath while I’m there ooh) it really does have some benefits.

And they’re the kind of benefits I think you can only reap after things have been a bit difficult.

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This post is titled ‘The Good, Bad & Ugly’ but who wants to finish with the ugly? No one? Right, good.

So, we’ll start with the Ugly then move to the Bad then finish with the Good so that no one leaves feeling sad and we can all skip away singing ‘la la la’ with ribbons in our hair and whistling birds on our shoulders.

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THE UGLY

Waking up alone after being together for a week. (Obviously this would be my first one because it’s what I experienced a few hours ago and it was grim.) Last year, turning over to find no one was ok because he lived around the corner and I lived with 5 lovely friends and there was always someone around to chat to. This year, turning over to find no one makes me feel so alone; there’s no one here I’m anywhere near as close to, and I suddenly remember everything is foreign and all a bit scary. This is fine once I’m used to it but the initial morning after prancing around with my best friend for a week like a tourist is a bit of a shock.

Missing the important days. The thing that first comes into my head is my boyfriend’s gigs. Every time an event pops up on Facebook I go to click ‘Attending’ on autopilot and then slowly realise I can’t go and be supportive and proud. I have to stay here and be supportive and proud, from over 1,000 miles away. We also won’t be together for Valentine’s Day, our two year anniversary, and possibly his 23^rd birthday. Sigh.

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THE BAD

The points above are the big things; the things that (occasionally) ruin your mood and make you question why you ever left. The bad things, however, are slightly less grim. They’re the things that catch you out in the middle of the day and make you miss the person. For example, when you see something you know you would both love or laugh at. Somehow laughing through a Whatsapp message just isn’t quite the same. Or when something makes you slightly uncomfortable or scared and you want someone there that you trust and will make you feel protected.

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THE GOOD

Ah, finally. The positive sides of a long distance relationship.

Appreciation. Perhaps most obvious, and potentially most cheesy. But you really do appreciate every single moment spent together when you know you won’t see them again for several weeks. You start to appreciate every nice message, every hug and every ridiculous conversation more than you maybe would when they occur every day.

Although it’s difficult doing a year abroad whilst in a long term relationship, it will also be something amazing to look back on, having experienced it together. Now that my boyfriend has visited a couple of times, he understands everything. Instead of me just mentioning I’m going to ‘a café’, or I’m having a little problem with something, he knows exactly where and what I’m talking about, and for me this makes it feel like I’m not as far away. 

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It's an odd thing. Both my boyfriend and I have noticed that people have very split opinions about long distance relationships.

Some people we've spoken to don't seem too bothered, and think it's completely fine and manageable for a relationship to run in different countries for 9 months. 

Some others probably wouldn't dream of doing it.

I'll be honest and say I've had my doubts about it too, but my boyfriend knows me well enough to shut me up when I'm being silly. 

I panic and worry he will get bored waiting for me to come back, or that it's too much of a strain to constantly be having short visits and always saying goodbye.

When I'm having these moments and start rambling to him, he simply raises an eyebrow and calmly says, 'Ok, so shall we just break up then? Would you prefer that?'

That's when I realise I'm being stupid. There is literally no reason for us to split up just because I'm abroad; it's temporary, good for our relationship and I'm lucky to have someone that's willing to stick with me through it. 

I know of a good few relationships that have ended because of their year abroad. Whether they would have ended in the end or not, who knows... 

But it's definitely a good test of a relationship isn't it?

Let me know of your thoughts on long distance; have you done it? Would you try it?